Project number 1:
Analysis of Jack*’s Writing and Lesson Plan
* pseudonym
Analysis
I based this analysis on two of Jack’s writing samples, my
informal reading conference notes, the results from the spelling inventory, and
our conversation about writing.
Ownership and Meaning of the Piece
Jack told me that he does not enjoy
writing. He mentioned that his
teacher makes him write in cursive form because she cannot read his
printing. I have a feeling that he
may not enjoy the mechanics of writing, but he does seem to enjoy making up
stories. He became very animated,
using excited facial expressions when he talked about the story he wrote using
his pet hamster as inspiration.
Jack’s story is about “the day all
anamals* could talk” (though Hami* is the only animal mentioned in the
story). His story is written in
first person. Jack wakes up one
day to find his hamster, Hammy, out of his cage. Hammy jumps and runs around the house, while Jack wonders if
he is hallucinating when he hears Hammy speak. Hammy says, “Bombs away!” and “I love this house!” while
Jack goes around the house doing average everyday things. At the end of the
story Hammy says, “Do you want to pinkie wrestle?” and she is put back in her
cage.
* original spelling preserved
Six Traits assessment system
Ideas
Jack is beginning to define the
topic and has attempted to flesh out key ideas in his story line. His story boasts that it was “the day
that all animals could talk,” but the only animal mentioned in the story is the
hamster. The reader is left with
questions about what the hamster might be thinking (other than the fact that
Hammy “loves this house”).
Organization
It is evident in this draft that
Jack is working on organization, but at this stage (and the “messiness” of the
draft) I am having a hard time telling where his transitions are. There is only one note made for an
indentation, so I am not able to tell for sure where new paragraphs would
begin. The story is lacking a title, but I can tell that Jack is working toward order and
transitions by adding words like “then,” and “soon.”
Voice and Word Choice
Jack seems aware of a purpose and
attempts to select content that reflects it by having the hamster talk, but
lacks refinement of word choice, using words verbs such as dirty, clean, cotton, dull, and
stupid, as though they were the first words that popped into his head. His writing is sincere, but does not reflect a unique or individual perspective on the topic. The hamster runs around the house and jumps on the narrators back but other than saying, "I love this house," doesn't reflect a unique perspective on the topic.
Sentence Fluency
A large portion of the text is
choppy and awkward. The only
transitional words he uses are after,
soon, and then. Though he does use some variety eleven
out of the thirty sentences begin with “I.”
Conventions
This most distracting thing about
this piece is in regards to grammar. Problems with grammar and usage are not serious enough to distort meaning, but are not accurately applied all of the time. Jack does not stay consistent when mentioning Hammy, referring to the
hamster as both he and she throughout the story. Jack also uses her in place of she several times. Moderate editing, and detail
stretching are needed for publication.
Spelling
Jack is very confident with his
spelling abilities. He only
misspelled two words on the Error Guide Inventory 1 worksheet (civilise/civilize and opisition/opposition), putting him at the early to middle intermediate stage in reading and writing. Jack reads fluently (and very fast!) and he's beginning to read with expression. His vocabulary seems to be growing with experience in reading. When I asked Jack if he knew what it meant to infer something he asked, "Do you mean like reading between the lines?" He is a very bright student. Jack has recently shown interest in reading different styles and genres. He only has four spelling
errors in the draft I have (some errors are repeated throughout the story), and
some spelling errors had already been corrected (halusinating/hallucinating and
thougght/thought).
Lesson Plan
Objectives
Student will apply writing
conventions appropriately, use word function properly, and indenting paragraphs
when necessary.
Standards
EALR :1. The student understands and uses a writing process.
Component: 1.4. Edits text.
1.4.1.
Applies understanding of editing appropriate for grade level.
EALR 3. The student writes clearly and effectively.
Component 3:3. Knows and applies writing conventions
appropriate for the grade level.
3.3.5. Applies usage rules.
3.3.7 Applies paragraph
conventions.
Materials
Two unedited paragraphs to show on
projector
Copies of unedited paragraph for
students to edit
Lined paper and pencil to write out
new edited paragraph
Instructional strategies
Our overview is to have Jack learn
how to begin new paragraphs and know when to transition to the next paragraph,
check for grammar errors, spelling errors and to detect whether the paragraph
is interesting enough to keep readers engaged. Our demonstrations will include not only the how, but the why as well so the students will be able to transfer the skills to broaden meaning for them (Routman, 147). We will also be pointing out how writing takes time and will include rereading and rethinking throughout the process in order be sure that your piece conveys what is intended and is clear and engaging to the reader (Routman, 148). We will be doing this lesson as a way to frontload. Doing this before expecting our students to write in the future will ensure that they understand our expectations, the task they will be assigned, and so that they will be prepared to succeed at this, and future, writing assignments (Routman, 220-221).
Teacher will begin by showing
students an unedited, one-page paper
on the projector. Using the “I do, we do, you do” strategy, instruction will
begin by explaining the process of a properly written paragraph.
The teacher explains that a
properly edited paper is organized with each paragraph having a topic sentence,
2-3 supporting sentences that focus on the main idea, has a closing sentence
and that the paragraph is interesting.
The teacher continues editing the
paper shown on the projector showing the class where a new paragraph should
begin, by looking for the topic sentence. The teacher inserts the paragraph
symbol where necessary, and instructs students to add the symbol to their paper
as well. The teacher will think
out loud searching for the next topic sentence, asking for student
feedback. When it appears that all
students understand how to separate paragraphs they will be instructed to work
independently at their desks to finish editing the paper until all necessary
sections have been marked with the paragraph symbol. The teacher will then
bring the class back together and they will talk about where the paragraphs
should be separated.
At this time the teacher will begin making a wall chart with the common editing symbols the class will be using. As the teacher introduces each symbol she will write the symbol, along with it's purpose, on the wall chart for children to refer to during the "we do" and the "you do" phases of this (and future) assignment(s).
The teacher will perform the same tasks
as illustrated above, one task at a time, until the paper has been completely
edited. The following tasks will
entail determining whether the supporting ideas are interesting, if not, the
teacher (and students) will insert adjectives to make the sentence(s) more
interesting. Spelling, grammar,
and punctuation will also be corrected. (This lesson will take place over several days).
Finally, the teacher will show
another un-edited paper on the projector and ask the class to work together to make the corrections. The teacher
could give hints such as, “Oh, I see we have four mistakes in this paragraph”
or “I see that the pet in the story is referred to as he, and as she – does
that make sense?” or “What adjective could we use to describe this word and make
the sentence more interesting?”
Once the entire class correctly
edits the paragraph, the teacher will give each student his or her unedited paper to
correct on their own. They are to correctly re-write this paragraph on their
lined notebook paper to turn it in for assessment.
Assessment:
The teacher will be able to assess
each student’s final edited paper, looking for paragraph organization, correct
grammar, punctuation, and spelling.
Works Cited
Routman, R. (2005). Writing
Essentials: Raising Expectations and Results While Simplifying Teaching.
Portsmouth, NH: Heinemann.