Project number 1: Analysis of Jack*’s Writing and Lesson Plan

* pseudonym

Analysis

I based this analysis on two of Jack’s writing samples, my informal reading conference notes, results from the spelling inventory, and our conversation about writing.

Ownership and Meaning of the Piece

Jack told me that he does not enjoy writing.  He mentioned that his teacher makes him write in cursive form because she cannot read his printing.  I have a feeling that he may not enjoy the mechanics of writing, but he does seem to enjoy making up stories.  He became very animated, using excited facial expressions when he talked about the story he wrote using his pet hamster as inspiration.   

Jack’s story is about “the day all anamals* could talk” (though Hami* is the only animal mentioned in the story).  His story is written in first person.  Jack wakes up one day to find his hamster, Hammy, out of his cage.  Hammy jumps and runs around the house, while Jack wonders if he is hallucinating when he hears Hammy speak.  Hammy says, “Bombs away!” and “I love this house!” while Jack goes around the house doing average everyday things. At the end of the story Hammy says, “Do you want to pinkie wrestle?” and she is put back in her cage.

* original spelling preserved  

Six Traits assessment system

Ideas

Jack is beginning to define the topic and has attempted to flesh out key ideas in his story line.  His story boasts that it was “the day that all animals could talk,” but the only animal mentioned in the story is his hamster.  The reader is left with questions about what the hamster might be thinking (other than the fact that Hammy “loves this house”).

Organization

It is evident in this draft that Jack is working on organization, but at this stage (and the “messiness” of the draft) I am having a hard time telling where his transitions are.  There is only one note made for an indentation, so I am not able to tell for sure where new paragraphs would begin.  He is working on order and transitions by adding words like “then” and “soon.”

Voice and Word Choice
Jack seems to be aware of a purpose and attempts to select content that reflects it by having the hamster talk (with exclamation points added), but lacks refinement of word choice, using words verbs such as dirty, clean, cotton, dull, and stupid, as though they were the first words that popped into his head.  Jack could be revealing a few details (i.e. the floor plan of his house) but seems to be either avoiding risk or simply hasn't been taught how to add personal details in his writing at this point.  

Sentence Fluency

Parts of Jack's story invite expressive reading ("Then I was wondering if I was Hallucinating.*  I totally think I was."), but a large portion of the text is choppy and awkward.  For instance, "I was wondering what I did wrong to deserve this" should have been placed after, ""He had scratched me..."  Variety is lacking in his sentence beginnings as eleven out of the thirty sentences begin with “I.”  

Conventions

This most distracting thing about this piece is in regards to grammar.  Problems with usage are not serious enough to distort meaning, but are not applied correctly throughout the piece.  For instance, Jack does not stay consistent when mentioning Hammy, referring to the hamster as both he and she throughout the story. Jack also uses her in place of she several times.  Moderate editing, and detail stretching are needed for publication.

*original spelling preserved

Spelling

Jack is very confident with his spelling abilities.  He only misspelled two words on the Error Guide Inventory 1 worksheet (civilise/civilize and opisition/opposition).   However, he has four spelling errors in the draft I have (some errors are repeated throughout the story), and some spelling errors had already been corrected (halusinating/hallucinating and thougght/thought). 

Lesson Plan

Objectives

Student will apply writing conventions appropriately, use word function properly, and indenting paragraphs when necessary.   

Standards

EALR :1.  The student understands and uses a writing process.

Component: 1.4.  Edits text.

1.4.1. Applies understanding of editing appropriate for grade level.

EALR 3.  The student writes clearly and effectively.

Component 3:3.  Knows and applies writing conventions appropriate for the grade level.

3.3.5. Applies usage rules.

3.3.7 Applies paragraph conventions.

Materials

Two unedited paragraphs to show on projector

Copies of unedited paragraph for students to edit

Lined paper and pencil to write out new edited paragraph

Instructional strategies

Our overview is to have Jack learn how to begin new paragraphs and know when to transition to the next paragraph, check for grammar errors, spelling errors and to detect whether the paragraph is interesting enough to keep readers engaged.

Teacher will begin by showing students an unedited, one-page paper on the projector. Using the “I do, we do, you do” strategy, instruction will begin by explaining the process of a properly written paragraph.

The teacher explains that a properly edited paper is organized with each paragraph having a topic sentence, 2-3 supporting sentences that focus on the main idea, has a closing sentence and that the paragraph is interesting.

The teacher continues editing the paper shown on the projector showing the class where a new paragraph should begin, by looking for the topic sentence. The teacher inserts the paragraph symbol where necessary, and instructs students to add the symbol to their paper as well.  The teacher will think out loud searching for the next topic sentence, asking for student feedback.  When it appears that all students understand how to separate paragraphs they will be instructed to work independently at their desks to finish editing the paper until all necessary sections have been marked with the paragraph symbol. The teacher will then bring the class back together and they will talk about where the paragraphs should be separated.

The teacher will perform the same tasks as illustrated above one task at a time, until the paper has been completely edited.  The following tasks will entail determining whether the supporting ideas are interesting, if not, the teacher (and students) will insert adjectives to make the sentence(s) more interesting.  Spelling, grammar, and punctuation will also be corrected.   (This lesson will take place over several days).

Finally, the teacher will show another un-edited paper on the projector and ask the  class to work together to make the corrections. The teacher could give hints such as, “Oh, I see we have four mistakes in this paragraph” or “I see that the pet in the story is referred to as he, and as she – does that make sense?” or “What adjective could we use to describe this word and make the sentence more interesting?”

Once the entire class correctly edits the paragraph, the teacher will give each student an unedited paper to correct on their own. They are to correctly re-write this paragraph on their lined notebook paper to turn in for assessment.

Assessment:

The teacher will be able to assess each student’s final edited paper.  The teacher will see correct paragraph organization, proper grammar, punctuation, and spelling.